Archive for the 'sookie smackhouse' Category


Life Lately

5/14 WOD Helen

400 m run

21 KB (1 pood)

12 pull up

3 rounds- 8:02

5/15- Dances with Dirt Relay Race

Before the Race Started:


5/17- Tommy V

85 pound Thruster, 21 reps
15 ft Rope Climb, 12 ascents
85 pound Thruster, 15 reps
15 ft Rope Climb, 9 ascents
85 pound Thruster, 9 reps
15 ft Rope Climb, 6 ascents



10x250m Row (averaged 59 sec)


75 power snatch- 75#- 7:59


400 m run

50 squats

3 rounds-6:53



Deadlift 175#


Double unders (did 5:1 ratio for singles)


All I really need to know I learned in Roller Derby

Last weekend was the Naptown Roller Girl’s final home bout of the season, and our special guest was Indy’s Mayor Greg Ballard, who we dubbed “Power Ballard”.  I shook his hand at the 7th IMPD Recruit Class academy swearing in, but this time I met him as Sookie Smackhouse.  You can read about Power Ballard’s roller derby debut in the Indy Star.

I now have a season of roller derby under my skates, and in at least one aspect of my life I’m not quite so fresh meat. After spending over 500 hours of the last year on wheels, I would hope I’ve learned a few things.  In no particular order, Sookie’s list of “All I really need to know I learned in Roller Derby”:

  1. Don’t be intimidated- Dive in.  I’m not a very fearful person, but when I first started derby I had the heeby jeebies every time I stepped on the pivot or jammer line.  Diving in (literally) with my body overcame those feelings pretty quickly. There’s always the risk you’ll get hurt with most things in life, either emotionally or physically, but derby has reminded me to never be intimidated by anything or anyone.  
  2. Teamwork– The Naptown Warning Belles remained undefeated this season because we play as a team- as a pack. You can be an amazing individual skater, but you can’t block a damn thing by yourself. Thank you roller derby for teaching me again and again to work with others, and to skate my best because others are relying on me.
  3. Keep moving- I never stop moving my feet in derby. When I fall down (and it does happen often), I bounce back up.  To keep moving, you have to be motivated by something. In derby the motivation is usually kicking ass, in life I’m prompted by faith, hope and love. 
  4. Have a flexible plan– As a pivot, you call the play for the jam. That plan can pretty quickly go to pot- so you have to be flexible.
  5. Play with class– You can kick ass in roller derby and still be classy about it. I’m proud the Naptown Roller Girls is a family affair and that we generally treat our competition with respect. Officer Smackhouse plans on keeping it classy on the streets of Naptown too.



Steak and Flowers

Friday WOD

10 SDLHP (65#)

10 Ring Dips

7 rounds- 7:10

Yesterday Mr. Smackhouse said he had 2 surprises for me after academy.  Surprise number one was a bouquet of flowers.  Surprise number two was a top sirloin steak from the grocery store. Which do you think I was more excited about?  Of course: the steak.  Replace the flowers with some dark chocolate, and that’s a damn near perfect way to end a week of academy.

Another near perfect combination? Star Wars and roller derby.  Last weekend the Naptown Roller Girls defeated the Sioux Falls Roller Dollz in our annual “Scar Wars” bout. You can check out more pics here.

Scar Wars 013 by tomklubens.

Other wonderful combinations in store for Smackhouse this weekend: sleep + no 5 am wake up call, medication + less phlegm in my throat, BOUT day! + road trip with some awesome roller ladies. 

All to be followed up by Bad Combination Monday:  chemical spray + eyeballs.


Ninja Sookie is pleased

Perhaps you, like me, have never heard of parkour.  Therefore, when a police academy instructor informs you that IMPD will be the first academy in the nation to implement parkour training for recruits- you’re not sure whether this is a good thing or a new form of torture that will be particularly harsh because of your now guinea pig status.  After a few minutes of explanation, I learned our new form of training is childhood Sookie’s dream come true.  Childhood Sookie regularly turned any bedroom, living room or playground into shark infested waters- forcing myself to get from one end of a space to another without touching the ground, in an obstacle-course like fashion.  Adult Sookie also had a mild obsession with Ninja Warrior, and was denied the request to build a course in the backyard by Mr. Smackhouse who preferred to grow more vegetables (more zuchinni vs. building ninja-like strength and speed?? Someone needs to get their priorities realligned.)  Here’s the gist of parkour:

Parkour (sometimes also abbreviated to PK) or l’art du déplacement (English: the art of moving) is the physical discipline of training to overcome any obstacle within one’s path by adapting one’s movements to the environment. It is a non-competitive, physical discipline of French origin in which participants run along a route, attempting to negotiate obstacles in the most efficient way possible, as if moving in an emergency situation. Skills such as jumping and climbing, or the more specific parkour moves are employed. The object of parkour is to get from one place to another using only the human body and the objects in the environment. The obstacles can be anything in one’s environment, but parkour is often seen practiced in urban areas because of the many suitable public structures available such as buildings and rails.

After a short explanation, the 7th IMPD recruit class got our first taste of parkour training.  It was awesome.  I don’t see the practicality of everything we’ll be learning; good grief, I’m not Jason Bourne.  But overall, if I can get paid to turn a gymnasium into an obstacle course and leap over tall buildings (make that short, little molehills- my vertical jump on the PT test was only 15 inches) then sign me up.  Sharks, however, love the chicken-like quality of guinea pig meat- requiring even more speed, strength and agility than childhood Sookie acquired at recess while at Van Buren Elementary School. So although I would enjoy extra zucchini on my plate this spring, I will be submitting my Ninja Warrior Course blueprints to Mr. Smackhouse for reconsideration.


The Case of the Mystery Egg Man

I tried out a new tangerine and spinach omelet recipe this morning-delicious!

My breakfast may or may not have been influenced by my sighting of “Mystery Egg Man”.  This is the third time I’ve seen him while shopping at Aldi.  Mystery Egg Man is exactly that- a man shrouded in mystery regarding eggs.

My childhood bookworm days aren’t for naught, as my hours with Nancy Drew, the Hardy Boys and the case-cracking Boxcar Children led to my two sleuthing observations  regarding Mystery Egg Man:

1. The sheer quantity of eggs he purchases.

2. His evasive attitude while buying said eggs.

If I was at police academy utilizing my incident report writing skills, I’d describe my first encounter with this man as so:

On January 9th, 2010 at 0900 hours I, Recruit Officer Sookie Smackhouse with the IMPD, was dispatched to the Aldi location at 6691 East Washington Street in reference to a Mysterious Egg Man.  MEM is a W/M, 5′ 8″- 5′ 10″, 160-170 lbs.

Ok, let’s return to citizen-speak: His shopping cart was full of egg cartons and nothing else.  Mystery Egg Man was literally tip toeing cautiously down the aisle so the egg cartons wouldn’t tip over the side of his cart.  This was strange, but like my earlier post on WalMart, I expect a degree of craziness at my east-side Aldi.  He purchased $300 worth of eggs! The cashier asked, “Didn’t I just see you in here yesterday with eggs?” The man avoided eye contact, didn’t answer and shuffled off quickly- or as quickly as one can while burdened with 50 lbs of eggs.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the encounter as I walked home. What would possess someone to buy such a large quantity of eggs? I imagined sinister purposes in which Officer Smackhouse would break up the largest illegal egg smuggling ring in Indianapolis as MEM yelled from the squad car, “I would have gotten away with it too if it weren’t for meddling kids!”

I’d repeat the incident to friends with indifferent responses such as, “Hmm, wow, a carton full of eggs, imagine that.”   “But you don’t understand!” I’d say, “Over $300 worth of eggs!” I could tell they weren’t impressed, and not curious enough to sleuth about the importance of such a thing.  They’d counter with, “Did I tell you about the guy I saw without pants at Kroger?”  No pants?! Big deal! It was nothing compared to my Mystery Egg Man.

Several months later, the luster of MEM began to wear off, and I wondered if my friends had been right- it wasn’t such an amazing tale after all. But then, Hark! Another Saturday morning and there he was in all his eggy glory. It was a similar occurrence with the cartful of eggs and the peculiar behavior.  And behold! Yet again this morning just a month later with my third sighting.

My tale ends here. One Aldi, one Mystery Egg Man, 3 sightings, over 600 egg cartons. Clearly, Officer Smackhouse has some investigating to do. I will report back with my findings , and hopefully after interrogations with MEM be armed with 101 new ways to cook eggs. Zoinks!


This is Bruiseopoly!

The Smackhouses have invented a new game since the inception of my police academy training. Pat Sajak and Alex Trebek have nothing on us (except for a well-groomed mustache).  I’d like to introduce you to “Bruiseopoly”.

Before we play, you’ll need a little background information. First- I’m a klutz.  I’ve clearly established grounds for this assertion in an earlier post.  Secondly, part of my police academy training includes combatives and defense tactics.  This class incorporates two weekly sessions that are 4-5 hours each.  This is not your community center’s self defense class.  The combatives instructors demonstrate offensive and defensive moves that recruits then “practice” on each other in combat scenarios.  This will eventually lead to a 2 minute and 4 minute  fight as part of our testing.  Thirdly, my skin is a tough little cookie. I don’t bruise easily, which sometimes frustrates me regarding roller derby because I never have impressive war wounds.  The first notable bruise I received as a Naptown Roller Girl resulted from my own clumsiness, not a hit on the track (I was in the bathroom at practice, and the holy fear of JRoller (our coach) and missing any part of our scrimmage left me in such a hurry that I slipped on my skates and hit my leg and head on the toilet.  I can’t exactly brag about a bruise resulting from the loo.)

With those facts in mind, let’s move on to the game. In “Bruiseopoly” you must correctly identify if the origin of the bruise (depicted in the photo) resulted from:

a.) roller derby

b.) police academy

c.) my own clumsiness

d.) an attack from a rabid animal

Let’s play!

If you guessed B, you are correct! These bruises resulted after day two of combatives training when I was paired with one of the boniest recruits in our class. It’s all fun and games until a 90 lb recruit officer stabs you with his elbow. Let’s move on to photo #2

Did you answer A? Good job! This is what is affectionately known as “rink rash” in roller derby world.  It’s the burn a skater gets on her skin after falling on a skating surface, and this is a fairly mild case.  The next photo isn’t actually a bruise, a  mere flesh wound, but let’s see if you can guess the origin:

If you said B again, you are correct sir! This minor mark resulted from our first handcuffing class at police academy.  My partner underestimated the thickness of my wrists and cuffed me a little too tight, pinching the skin.

And the answer is C.  This resulted from an incident with a sink while hopping around in the early morning hours trying to put on pants.  I have more at-home accidents while trying to put on pants than any other endeavor (for most other Americans it’s tripping over their pets-which causes over 86,000 injuries a year, resulting in over 240 trips to the emergency room every day. Lesson learned: watch out for that goldfish.) Let’s move on to your final opportunity:

Did you guess D?  Incorrect, I did not face a rabid squirrel this week. The answer is B.  This resulted from partnering with a 300 lb recruit officer during another combatives training. He just looked at me and I bruised up, or maybe it was the time he pressed his entire body mass on me after a double leg takedown.

Congratulations! You’ve now played your first game of “Bruiseopoly”. You successfully identified the origin of my bruises without killing your oxen or dying of dysentery. As the weeks progress, we’ll play again. You can look forward to guest appearances by Bob Barker, Wayne Brady, Regis Philbin, Darrell Hammond as Sean Connery, and if SNL doesn’t pan out for Betty White, I’ve offered her the co-hosting position. Until next time..


Officer smackhouse reporting for duty

Do you know why you can’t find very many blogs about recruits attending police academy? (trust me, I looked) Because there is no freakin time to maintain a blog and attend police academy! Let alone sleep, eat, spread derby love and breathe. I jest, but the first week of IMPD was everything I hoped for and everything I feared all at the same time.


-I kicked butt at the PT test, was the fastest in my group for the 1.5 mile, and smoked the boys with my 61 push ups. And come to find out, the instructors love holding us in plank or leg lift position- both of which I’ve mastered at derby with skates on! Doing it without skates at academy makes it so much easier. I came physically prepared, it shows, and it’s helping me tremendously. When the instructors talk about CrossFit and Paleo, I feel great knowing I already have 6 months under my belt.

-The only good time to be a female and waiting in line for a bathroom? At academy! Imagine 65 boys trying to share one stall within our 5 minute break. We ladies only have to fit 9

-I didn’t cry the first day-and come to find out, all the screaming and yelling doesn’t bother me a bit. I’m more confident than I thought I was, and the military setting of academy really suits my personality.

-I love combatives! This is our physical training that involves fighting, wrestling, learning chokes, and how to bit*h slap somebody (I’m not kidding- supposedly this is much more effective than a punch).  It will be Mr. Smackhouse’s dream come true when I ask him to help me practice my single leg take downs this afternoon.

-Most of my fellow recruits are honorable, polite and fun to be around.  One of the other female recruits also Crossfits and eats paleo- so that’s one less person to give me crap about the way I eat at lunch.

-I’m getting paid to work out, go to class, study, get yelled at, do pushups, do some more pushups, learn to serve the community, and then learn to defend myself and fight?? For the love of coconut butter- this is awesome!


-Waking up early every morning. Even though academy starts at 7am- this usually requires waking up at 5am to make sure I have everything prepared for the day.

-Carrying at least 4 bags to and from academy every day:

Bag 1- textbooks, binders, first aid kit

Bag 2- court suit attire

Bag 3- PT gear, BDUs, and boots

Bag 4-Lunch

-Polishing my boots and ironing my clothes- I know Mary Poppins says that in every job that must be done there is an element of fun, but I say bull crap. She also said a spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down-and I know that’s not true, it’s actually a spoonful of whiskey.  If you know a way to make ironing or polishing fun- let me know.

-Time commitment- For the next 6 months I will be sleeping, eating, breathing academy. Maintaining my glorious roller derby career as Sookie Smackhouse will be difficult. My first NRG practice after a full day of academy was exhausting- but I’m hoping to keep it up.

All in all, not a bad week for Recruit Officer Smackhouse. 23 more weeks to go.


I train at:

I spread derby love with

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 4 other followers