Posts Tagged ‘police academy


R.I.P. Cone Family

Being vertically challenged can have it’s downsides- namely being confused for a middle school student by a hall monitor during my recent visit to Mr. Smackhouse’s school.  (You think a sixth grader could pack these guns to school? That’s a Class D felony baby!)

Another disadvantage for my 5′ 2″ figure can sometimes be driving without sitting on a telephone book.  This week in academy, first platoon had the pleasure of getting paid to drive fast and smart at Emergency Vehicle Operations training.  For every cone we hit on the course, we paid the penalty in push-ups.  My height deficiency contributed to a few snags I had in a backing weave drill–resulting in quite a few push ups throughout the week and many unexpected deaths in the cone family:

Despite the Cone family tragedy, EVO week was really enjoyable and with that phase completed the 7th IMPD Recruit Class is almost halfway through academy.


I am a squirrel monkey

After seven weeks of combatives training at the police academy, I’ve been told several times by other recruits that I fight like a squirrel monkey. These comments are intended to be complimentary.  Let me ask you dear blog reader-Would you be flattered if told after a fight that you resembled this cute little creature:

Surely there must be a more complimentary accolade for a vertically challenged female who fights enthusiastically?  How about “a Chihuahua with pointy teeth, but not quite a pit bull”, as another recruit described me. That doesn’t quite do it for me either.

In the past, I have been known to not take compliments well. If someone described me as cute, I would get upset because my height (5′ 2″ on a good day) always qualified me for cuteness, but rarely beautiful or sexy. The older and wiser Sookie has changed her ways, and learned to accept all manners of compliments, even being called a cutie-or a squirrel monkey. In order to accept this new, primate resemblance tribute, I did a little research on the squirrel monkey. Here are six reasons I’m willing to gracefully acknowledge this “compliment”:

  1. The brain mass to body mass ratio for squirrel monkeys is 1:17, which gives them the largest brain, proportionately, of all the primates. Humans have a 1:35 ratio. (Compliment taken- I am willing to be a smart fighter, although I need improvement in this area. I’ve got the heart, but I definitely need better technique.)
  2. Squirrel monkeys have a number of vocal calls, including warning sounds to protect themselves. (True- I’m pretty sure I grunt, swear, and make the occasional yeti call while I fight.)
  3. Squirrel monkeys’ small body size makes them susceptible to predators such as snakes and felids. (Also true-I have the bruises to prove I am susceptible to predators 2-3x my size. However, 5’2” does not an inferior fighter make. I’m learning alternate methods to accommodate- thus, fact #4:
  4. For marking territory, squirrel monkeys rub their tail and their skin with their own urine. (So if the single leg takedown doesn’t work, I can always rely on primate defense tactics.)
  5. Squirrel monkey movements in the branches are extremely speedy (I believe my blog readers are now familiar with my ninja prowess, not to be confused with my clumsiness. I totally meant to fall down on the mat; that was an intentional sprawl.)
  6. Female squirrel monkeys have a pseudo-penis they use to display dominance over smaller monkeys, much like the way the male squirrel monkeys display their dominance. (No comment)


Well geez, after fact number six, who wouldn’t want to willingly claim the ape compliment. Here it goes 7th IMPD Recruit Class- I am squirrel monkey, hear me, um, roar?


Sookie goes soft

Monday was one of my favorite days of academy so far. Our class met at Crown Hill Cemetery, which sits on the highest geographic point in Indianapolis.  During our run through the grounds we honored the burial sites of several fallen officers and viewed the city we will have the privilege to defend.  Little Sookie shed some tears during each of these stops.  It was emotional considering the sacrifice of officers who have gone before me and the immense pride I have in in the opportunity our class has to serve the citizens of Indianapolis.  See, I do have a soft side, and it’s very mushy- I could have bawled like a baby.  Here’s the view:

This We Defend.


Mama Smackhouse Assesses Police academy

The other day I was talking with my mom about combatives training at police academy.  She asked if we really “beat each other up” during our fights. I jokingly said, “Of course, I’m not there to make friends.”  My mom paused a minute, then said excitedly, “Oh! It’s just like The Bachelor!”  My mind is usually prepared to make quantum speed connections in order to understand my mom’s rapid, random conversation pace. But sometimes she catches me off guard:

“What?” I asked.

“Just like in ‘The Bachelor’. They’re there to get the guy, not to make friends.”

Did Mama Smackhouse really just compare police academy to a reality TV show in which 25 catty women compete for the attention of one man? Yes. Yes she did.

Ah yes, I can see it now- August 5, 2010- the 7th IMPD Recruit Class Graduation ceremony. Sixty nine recruits receive badges and then collectively hold our breath in anticipation-waiting anxiously to see who gets the single, red rose from Chief Ciesielski.


The Smackhouse secret sauce for Shiny Boots

I refuse for my body to get sick.  My jedi-like mind capabilities have warded off sickness for several years, so I forgot what it felt like to not be my normal self last week.  Due to bronchitis, I sounded more like Sookie Manhouse and my ninja skills were incapacitated slightly from not being able to breath.  Mr. Smackhouse offered to take me to the doctor several times, but I was pretty sure I just needed to invoke a little more Yoda power.  My mental efforts failed, as did eating twice as many vegetables as my usual rabbit-like consumption of leafy greens.  I gave in to the doctor visit after a roller derby practice where I could barely skate a 2 minute jam without collapsing. 

One breathing treatment, one shot to the butt, one very flamboyant doctor, and one prescription later and the smack in Smackhouse is back!  However, everything in my lungs is now coming out- meaning lots of sexy hocking of loogies.  I may or may not have accidentally released a combination sneeze/cough, a “snough” if you will, while I was cleaning my IMPD boots earlier this week. Yes, I wiped off the snough remnants, but then noticed my boot looked a little shinier than usual. Could it be? Did I just discover the secret sauce to shiny boots? I usually use a bit of spit, but apparently phlegmy spit is what my classmates have been holding out on me.  The next day at academy, my boots were complimented no less than three times.  Take that Kiwi Parade!  Even though I am very glad to be feeling physically better, as each day passes my phlegm levels decrease-and with it the Smackhouse secret sauce.  In honor of the newly discovered, soon to be extinct shiny boot ingredient, I’ve composed an ode to the tune of “Smelly Cat” from Friends.  Please feel free to sing along:

Phlegmy Spit, Phlegmy Spit

No one appreciates you

Phlegmy Spit, Phlegmy Spit

It’s not your fault

They say you’re no better than snot

But you shine my boots, so obviously not

Phlegmy Spit, Phlegmy Spit

It’s not your fault


Steak and Flowers

Friday WOD

10 SDLHP (65#)

10 Ring Dips

7 rounds- 7:10

Yesterday Mr. Smackhouse said he had 2 surprises for me after academy.  Surprise number one was a bouquet of flowers.  Surprise number two was a top sirloin steak from the grocery store. Which do you think I was more excited about?  Of course: the steak.  Replace the flowers with some dark chocolate, and that’s a damn near perfect way to end a week of academy.

Another near perfect combination? Star Wars and roller derby.  Last weekend the Naptown Roller Girls defeated the Sioux Falls Roller Dollz in our annual “Scar Wars” bout. You can check out more pics here.

Scar Wars 013 by tomklubens.

Other wonderful combinations in store for Smackhouse this weekend: sleep + no 5 am wake up call, medication + less phlegm in my throat, BOUT day! + road trip with some awesome roller ladies. 

All to be followed up by Bad Combination Monday:  chemical spray + eyeballs.


Now that’s a bruise

Monday WOD– 7:33


Double unders


Wednesday WOD

AMRAP- 20 min

Wallballs (until partner completes 400 m run)

400 m run

2nd WOD of the day

3-3-3-3-3-3-3- Hang Squat Clean (85#)

Friday WOD

Burpee Mile

On Thursday, the 7th IMPD Recruit Class had our first Recruit vs. Recruit (by weight class) 1 minute fights.  Several people have asked me, “What do you mean by a fight?” I mean, you step onto the wrestling mat, the whistle blows and you fight (barring groin hits and face strikes).  I was nervous at first, but realized about 2 seconds into the fight that it might almost beat kicking cooter while on the roller derby track.  Combatives training was intense this week, so instead of a new round of Bruiseopoly- take a vote for which classmate obtained the worst bruise (A fair-minded judge will keep in mind shape, discoloration and size)


I train at:

I spread derby love with

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